Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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