Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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