She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
