he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
