I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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