in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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