I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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