dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
