If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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