and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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