im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
