More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
