So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
