Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
