the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
