I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
