you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
