Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
