Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
