the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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