why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
