dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
