Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
