I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
