I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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