Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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