omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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