I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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