checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
