Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
