I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
