$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
