I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
