I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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