I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
