Yo dont text me then not text me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
