i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The air was thick with penises
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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