I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
