your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
