who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
