My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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