It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
