see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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