I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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