oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
