My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
