In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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