i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
