yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
