The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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